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02/25/05: Sofia VergaraBig bang…Lifeless planet. Through the dense fog , a creature rises out of the primordial ooze. The newly formed moon cascades its light across the barren plane, exposing the creatures silhouette : an ass that looks as if it were chiseled out of a mound of marble and polished by the terry cloth of the gods, and a rack that can compete with the highest peaks of the Himalayas . The creature steps out into the moonlight, revealing its face. It’s the face that launched a thousand ships and caused millions of adolescents to go into seizures at the mere thought of its beauty. In the distance the sound of the gods smashing the mold that begat this creature echoes across the virgin landscape and we realize that there can be only one. This perfect creature can never be replicated and we weep at the thought of this, but are joyous that we can bask in the exquisiteness before us. In the beginning there was Sofia… -Horny and lonely in Cali... Well whattaya’ know, it’s Sofia Vergara. Take a look at this delectably spicy latina and try not to spontaneously combust. This was an email sent to me by one of our incredibly lonely and pathetic readers who decided he was tired of seeing my favorites in this section. As you can see, we listened to you the READER and promptly posted his favorite model. Actually, this was my roommate’s email and he specifically requested SOFIA VERGARA. We all looove Sofia. You do, I do and so does Jae Havana. Seriously though, who doesn’t love Sofia? She’s got her own show. She’s got her own calendar. She graces magazines across Latin America. She’s a great pin up. She’s one nifty number, so it seems even god decided to spoil her. She is decidedly talentless in the acting department, yet we allow her to romp through pop culture, box office movie bombs. So as you have already figured out, WE LOOOVE TO SPOIL HER. I conclude she gets waaay too much attention, which could explain her continuous bratty behavior (shame on you, girl) and other worldly events. You see, it was recently discovered that the poles are melting because of...yeah-take a wild guess-SOFIA. But hey, we’ll let it slide this time, Sofia. So yes, she may be a modern day siren walking up and down cityscapes, but she is also the reason why cars pile up thereafter. Ay...just don’t let it happen again, ok? What’s that? Sofia is the leading cause of dehydration and spontaneous combustion in the world? Dear...so she makes cars pile up, is the leading cause of global warming and is causing men to violently explode? I guess this firm and stern spanking I’m about to warrant her (awww yeah :D)with much enthusiasm is well deserved...and to show I mean bidniss’, I’m gonna’ do it in slow motion...::SMACK:: “Sorry, Senorita Vergara. My behavior is inexcusable. I deserve a spanking ::bends over:: POW! Dear lord me...such a swift kick ...from such streamlined gams...and unimaginable...pain! Now we will never have lil’ Waldo’s and Sofia’s...::BONK::...please escort me to the hospital Mrs. Vergara (told you she was a brat).” Small price to pay for having such a charming lass around sooo...I still kicked Aphrodite’s ass off that clam and I present it to you, Sofia Vergara, our very latest entry into Why God Is A Man-and that is the new award to our contestants, our current winner holding the Clam Pulled From Beneath Aphrodite’s Feet award...never mind, too cumbersome. Sofia Vergara has the most neutral sex appeal I’ve ever felt. What do I mean by neutral? Well, she’s so beautiful that all you can do is stare in deep awe and in profound admiration. Ever seen a woman like that? Yeah-they’re great. But this Colombiana is very exceptional. Of course when you see such irresistible voluptuousness you can’t help but gawk at her, but she exudes an air of elegance that is steadily becoming rare in a woman so gorgeous. Sofia is ultra classy and has a figure that will put any silicon abundant playmate/pornstar to shame..I swear she must keep a roller coaster in her pants cuz’ she has curves bursting at the seams. Her notoriety in Latin America seems to be due to her...ahem...accentuated and abundant assets. She’s more bouncy than a basketball court...so there you have it. I love Sofia, you love Sofia, we all love Sofia...and if you don’t, she’ll throw a lil’ tantrum and start writhing and convulsing on the floor...hmmm...all I need is some mud or some jello, your mom and we'll have something interesting in hand...see ya’ next week pervs...
Date of birth: July 10th, 1972 (She’s a Cancer...dear god, with such strong radioactive emissions, she’s very likely to cause cancer!)
Birthplace: Baranquilla, Colombia
Nickname: La Toti-get your mind out of the gutter and stop disrespecting Sofia...I already know what you’re thinking...
Hair: Brown-those are some great dominant latina genes...
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10/15/04: Somaya ReeceSomaya For President
Nobel Peace Prize: Santos pays tribute to Colombia's victims - BBC News - NDTV *Nobel Peace Prize: Santos pays tribute to Colombia's victims* *BBC News* Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos has received the Nobel Peace Prize ...
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